Humor: Joys Of A Used Car

My 1988 VW is not just a used car. It is also a previously abused car. There's bits of airconditioner left bolted on in the engine compartment with big gaps where the working bits should have been. My mechanic tells me that the engine's got piston slap, and needs a major transplant. My kids tell me that if I gave them the car for free, they would still walk.

Which isn't a bad idea. They need to get some exercise and fresh air.

But hey, there are some advantages in owning a beat up relic of a bygone era. For one thing, I don't fear shopping trolleys banging into my car, or people opening their car doors onto my car, because it actually makes it look better. Knocks some of the rust off as well. Putting the gearlock on is like locking up your used teabags. I mean, who wants the thing anyway? If a thief steals my car, it's his own fault. He musn't come crying to me when all his robber buddies laugh at him, and the thing squirts oil on his freshly stolen shoes. And when the starter motor drops out on the freeway, that's not my fault. The car forgot long ago what a freeway is anyway. It shakes too much at speed, and I can't hold the steering wheel. When it sees an on ramp, it says "Let's not go there!"

In between all the body filler and rust nestles little oases of virgin metal. Where these are is not known to man, but they must be there or I'm sure the car would collapse like a pile of dry sand. With no airconditioner, I would normally open the window on hot days, if the window winder hadn't broken off. Luckily the rust holes provide quite a lot of ventilation. In rainy weather I use a small mop to clean the rainwater off the inside of the windsheild. Otherwise it drips on my feet.

I took the car in last week to see what I could get as a trade in. It was quite funny looking at the saleman's expression as it changed. "Where is your car sir?" "Uh, it's that VW over there, that dirty cream colored one." "Oh. Uh... Oh I see. Have you tried the scrap dealers, sir?" "Yes I have, but they say it's mostly body putty and filler, so there's not much metal to sell..." At this point the conversation becomes somewhat predictable, as the salesman suddenly remembers a previous engagement and disappears from view.

Well, at least I have no onboard computers to worry about. Or electric windows. Or windows. The windows are there, but that's about it. I don't have to worry about getting puffed up with pride. And speeding fines are only a distant fantasy. Hitch hikers put down their thumbs when I approach, and then put them up again for the garbage truck that is trying to overtake me.

I'm thinking of selling the car, so if you want it you gonna have to be quick. I may decide I like a car with character, and change my mind!

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The Magic Of A Great Musclecar

I am a very logical person and I really dislike anything supernatural or metaphysical. I am more into things I can see and touch, such as car parts and engines. My roomate Joe on the other hand, is the exact opposite. While I’ll be restoring my latest beloved muscle car, Joe will be researching some new mystical art or ancient mystery.

His latest obsession was stage magic and he began practicing it with gusto. Last week, he tried to impress me with his newest tricks.

“Take note, oh simpleminded audience,” he said flourishing his arms, “that there is nothing up my sleeves.”

“What about that pulley system?” I pointed out after noticing some suspicious wires. “And that hidden deck of cards, and… my god! Is that a dove?”

“Squeaky!” screamed Joe, and he shook his sleeve until the body of his dove fell out with a thud. Unfortunately, poor Squeaky had suffocated in Joe’s armpit—not a good way to go by any means…

Joe was feeling remorseful, so after the funeral, we decided to go to see a real magic show in Squeaky’s honor.

“It’s what he would’ve wanted,” said Joe, “After all, he lay down his life in service to the craft.”

We hopped into my restored ’65 Corvette Stingray and moseyed down to the magical theatre. Inside, it was dark and packed with people. They had all come to see the Great Magnifico, who was in town for one night only.

Magnifico stepped onstage, dressed in a flowing cape and top hat. He began his act by pulling a mile of colored scarves out of his throat.

“Yawn!,” I shouted, “It’s been done!”

Magnifico scowled and moved on to his next trick, the Chinese linking rinks.

“You suck!” I bellowed, “Boo! Boo!”

Magnifico scowled harder at me and announced that it was time for his final act. He clapped his hands and a lion appeared onstage, prowling around. Magnifico covered the beast with a cloth and shouted the magic word. There was a huge puff of smoke and lights. When the smoked cleared, the audience cheered loudly, for there, onstage, was a ’65 Corvette Stingray—my Stingray! And the lion was in the driver’s seat, revving the engine!

Magnifico clapped his hands again and the lion floored the gas, driving around the stage madly and roaring in triumph. “Magnifico!” I shouted, “This time you’ve gone too far!” And I raced out of my seat and toward the stage.

But Magnifico was one step ahead of me, and he called out to the lion. “Simba, attack!”

I took a flying leap onto the stage while the lion flew at me. We met in mid air and fought fiercely. But, we finally agreed to a draw and went our separate ways…

As we drove home, Joe said it was the greatest magic show he had ever witnessed. I was still not impressed with the magical arts, but I was glad to get my Corvette back.

I feel bad that my car had to go through that terrible ordeal. I’m going to reward it with one of those B&I Wood Dash Kits and some other accessories. I’ll also buy some seat covers and floormats in addition to the wood dash kits…

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3 Steps to Picking the Perfect Motor Scooter

So you're ready to get started in the world of motor scooters? I can guarantee that the trip will both save you money and expand your travel experiences in some fun ways. But buying a motor scooter can be a big investment, and you want to make the right choice.

So how do you find the scooter that's ideal for you? How do you choose the right model and type? The scooter market can seem intimidating at first glance, but have no fear! By answering three simple questions, you'll be well on your way to discovering the perfect scooter.

First, who will drive the scooter? Will it be you (the homeowner, vacationer, urban professional, retiree, student, etc.)-or will it be your children? Or maybe a variety of people? Motorized scooters designed for kids are intended to bear a lot less weight and travel shorter distances. As a result, they cost considerably less. When you start shopping for motor scooters, make sure you're in the appropriate market, kids or adults.

Second, how far do you want to ride? Will you use the scooter mostly on off-road trails? On a campus? For an urban commute? In a residential neighborhood? If you need to drive further than 12-15 miles at one go, you may need to look at gas powered scooters, because electric scooters beyond the 12-15 mile range become very costly and somewhat difficult to find. A number of factors influence range ratings for motor scooters (rider's weight, hilly terrain, tire pressure)--but usually the manufacturer will list a "range rating" that reflects the scooter's ability under optimal conditions.

Third, how fast do you want to drive? I'm serious! The ability to put the pedal to the metal may seem like an afterthought for scooter use--until you're sitting on your scooter, watching joggers pass you. Electric scooters aren't known for their speed, and usually fall in the 8 mph to 25 mph range. If you want to go much faster than that, or ride on highways, you'll probably want to consider a gas powered or hybrid model. Otherwise, prepare yourself to shell out some cash for a speedy electric scooter. Again, a number of factors come into play when companies hand out speed ratings. But as you would guess, a manufacturer's rating will reflect the scooter's speed under ideal conditions.

Starting to make sense of your options? If so, you're getting closer to choosing the right scooter--just make sure you also take things like carrying capacity and terrain into account. That's right, there's more stuff to consider! But don't worry. By thinking through these questions, you're moving toward a motorized scooter purchase you won't regret.

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Classic Car Auction Is A Memorable Event For Car Enthusiasts

Many people find that the sight of a restored vintage car rolling along the highway, with a fresh coat of shimmering paint and chrome accents gleaming in the sun, brings a huge smile to their face as they recall wonderful memories of earlier times. For people who appreciate the workmanship and attention that goes into bringing these beauties back to life, a classic car auction might be a memorable event that could even tempt one to start bidding so that they can claim the classic collectible for themselves.

Classic car auctions have long been a favorite type of event for car lovers of all ages to attend. Before the bidding gets underway, which can get rather heated with an enthusiastic crowd, there is a period of time when people can meander through the displays of the vintage models and appreciate the timeless and elegant lines of the cars that will soon be offered on the auction block.

You will find that attending a classic car auction is very different from going to a public auto auction. While the general, public auctions are more plentiful, they will offer very different types of vehicles, such as salvage car parts, to seized and repossessed cars. They will not have the classic, restored vehicles that are part of a collector car auction.

In the case of public auto auctions, people hope to find a decent car at a good price that will get them to and from work. Seldom will there be much of a bidding war on the very average and ordinary vehicles that are seen at government auto auctions and the like. But all the rules change when attending a collector car auction with an enthusiastic group of avid car collectors who know all about every model and who are looking forward to either starting their own collection or adding to one they already have.

Even if you are not planning to bid on any of the vintage models that are being sold at an auction for classic cars, they are wonderful events to attend. In one place you can check out a wide range of cars from many different eras, which are in immaculate shape, having been lovingly and attentively restored, and are sometimes an improvement over the original model.

Because the market for the classic, collectible cars is a fairly tight market and there is so much interest in the vintage vehicles that are either still in great shape or that have been restored, a collector car auction is not the place to look for a bargain. If a particular model of a classic car is rather rare or in high demand, then there could be an intense bidding war that will drive the winning bid much higher than any Blue Book estimate.

At the same time, sometimes you can get a better deal through a classic car auction than if you were to buy directly from a private owner. It all comes down to who else happens to attend the collector car auction and how determined they are to have that vehicle in their garage, instead of yours.

Educate yourself further about classic car auction from Mike Selvon articles portal. Your feedback is valued and appreciated at our wholesale auto auction blog where a free audio gift awaits you.

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